='(

My son went with his father today per the parenting plan and around 6pm my son's father called me while I was out to dinner with friends to yell at me, he said  *Our son told everyone at dinner that he doesnt want me or my wife to bathe him bc we're not aloud to touch his penis!!!!!!!* I instantly felt my heart shatter. To me this sounds like a cry for help. Like he said it so someone would make sure it didnt happen again. My son's father went on to yell at me, accusing me of telling my son to say things like that and that and now hes embarrased. This kills me, at this point I am barely listening to what my son's father is saying. Of course I didnt tell him that. I feel like he called me to make it seem as if I told our son to say it so his family would be able to blame me for my son saying it. Now I'm freaking out bc this is now the 3rd time my son has said something like this. My son's father would not let me get a word in, he just continued to accuse me of telling my son to say that, which is obviously not the case. He kept asking me why I would tell our son to say that. I would try to answer and explain to him that I have never told him to say anything like that and that we should meet to try to get down to the bottom of this but my sons father wouldnt listen. He was putting on a show for his family, yelling at me, calling me names, accusing me and not letting me speak at all as if he knew whatever I had to say was going to make it obvious hes lying. He even brought up the councelor saying that he thinks the councelor is a friend of mine...wtf?!?! Now it seems hes trying to create an alibi for something the councelor hasnt even accused him of yet. At this point idk wtf to do bc If I call child protective services, they wont do anything. I've called them twice before and they did nothing. So I try to ask my sons father to meet up with me so we can discuss everything but ofcourse that is out of the question to him bc hes not genuinely concerend with seeing where this is coming from bc he already knows its him. I ended up calling the police to check on my sons welfare bc my sons father wouldnt even let me talk to him over the phone. It took forever! But the police finally got there, they said my son was clean and in good spirits. I'm going to call the councelor and my attorney tomorrow to see if anything can be done. I want to try to get another restrainig order but i doubt theyd grant it since I still have no proof other than what my son is saying. This is now his THIRD aliigation!!! How can people disregard this!?!?!?! How can ANYONE just brush this off!?!?!

*Hope*

My attorney was able to get a mediation scheduled to see if she can get the time sharing agreement changed. I'm excited because if we can get him to agree to less time that's more time I can make sure my son is safe. My son started to see a counselor and things are going well there. The counselor made me feel SO much better, she assured me that if something is going on she will definitely be able to tell regardless if his father tries to get him to lie. Our first appt with his father there was yesterday. The counselor was asking his father and I questions about our son and sadly his father couldn't answer most of them. She asked in which ways was our son special...I couldn't say enough, as I'm sure would be the same for any good parent. I went on and on about how my son is smart, very social...etc. She asked his father the same question, he didn't say one thing, just stayed quite! She asked to use a cartoon character to describe our son, I instantly knew which one I thought he was like and why....and again his father couldn't think of anything. Wow.
 I am hoping, praying and wishing that this mediation goes well even though its not likely we will agree on anything. This has taken its toll on our whole family and all we want is for things to be normal again. The sooner we can get past this the sooner my son can start moving on.

One step forward, two steps back...

So Monday came and went and I HAD to let my sons father take him =(  I wanted to take my chances with being held in contempt of court but found out that if I do that my sons father gets sole custody until we go to court again. So this judge literally made it impossible for me to make sure my son is safe. How the fuck he sleeps at night I will never know. I'm so scared for him. On top of me being worried about my son's saftey, my son's father keeps emailing me talking about day cares he wants my son to go to. I don't work, so not only does he not need to go to daycare I also cant afford to pay half. I had a meeting with my attorney today which at first made me feel way better bc she told me my son does not have to go to daycare and I don't need to pay half. I felt so much better after she told me this bc that means I get to spend more time with my son and I know hes safe with me. I email my sons father letting him know that I do not want him to go to daycare when he doesnt need to and he emails me back saying that its in the agreement the judge granted that I can't pick him up on the days hes suppose to be with him. WTF?!!? There goes the extra time I thought I'd be spending with my son all bc my sons father rather him be with stangers than with me. I don't know if what hes saying is true but its 7pm so I wont be able to talk to my attorney till tomorrow IF shes not busy :/  I pray that they are not stupid enough to touch him again but I tried to think that after the first time my son told me he was being touched and look at what happened then =( I don't know what to do anymore. Everything I think of/try gets shut down n it always leads back to my son having to go back with those pedifiles. Why? How? After all the evidence that child protective services has?!?! I just don't get it. I pray the Lord keeps my son safe.

A mothers worst nightmare

If you asked me a year ago, what I would do if my child was ever molested, I would have instantly said put them in jail permanently. I realize now that could only happen in a fantasy world. In the real world,  not only is accomplishing that not easy, its damn near impossible. December 5th, 2010 my son told me his father and stepmother were touching him inappropriately. More specifically, taking showers with him and touching him. I immediately called child protective services. They sent someone out with a police officer to talk to me and my son. My son told her everything he had told me but added that his penis hurt. The lady they sent out to talk to me said that because he is so young she could literally do nothing unless his father and step mother admitted it. I was crushed. I took him to the dr to see why his penis hurt and he had an infection. I called the child protective services lady again and told her what the dr said. Still she did nothing. I begged her to get a child counselor involved, I even called her supervisor to complain and begged the supervisor to get a counselor involved before they closed his case but they did nothing. I had to continue to let his father see him. A month later my son tells me that they are still touching him and that he is scared to go over there. My heart aches because I don't know what I can do to protect him. This time I try to get restraining orders against them and called cps again. This time they take it a little more seriously and created a safety plan. But before anyone even got the chance to follow the safety plan she closed the case. The counselor we spoke to agreed that what my son is saying and his sexual behavior changes are indicators that something may be happening. My son has not seen his father since January...for obvious reasons the only communication he has had with his father has been over the phone. Well his father took this to court and now I HAVE to let him spend time with his father or I will be held in contempt of court. I have an attorney involved who is trying change this. Till then I have to let my son go to his father and step mothers house alone. The visitation is suppose to start this Monday. I am going crazy trying to see what I can do to protect my son. But the judge has made it impossible. I told my husband I'd rather just be held in contempt of court but he and my attorney say that as soon as I go to jail his father would have him. The last conversation my son had with his father he was promised a big party with all the toys he wants. Now my son is saying he is excited to see them. Is it because of everything they promised him?...has it been so long that he forgot since hes so young? I don't know what to think anymore. I am scared for his safety but no one will listen to me. I pray that they don't hurt him again. Why do I have to fight so hard to protect my son?