One step forward, two steps back...

So Monday came and went and I HAD to let my sons father take him =(  I wanted to take my chances with being held in contempt of court but found out that if I do that my sons father gets sole custody until we go to court again. So this judge literally made it impossible for me to make sure my son is safe. How the fuck he sleeps at night I will never know. I'm so scared for him. On top of me being worried about my son's saftey, my son's father keeps emailing me talking about day cares he wants my son to go to. I don't work, so not only does he not need to go to daycare I also cant afford to pay half. I had a meeting with my attorney today which at first made me feel way better bc she told me my son does not have to go to daycare and I don't need to pay half. I felt so much better after she told me this bc that means I get to spend more time with my son and I know hes safe with me. I email my sons father letting him know that I do not want him to go to daycare when he doesnt need to and he emails me back saying that its in the agreement the judge granted that I can't pick him up on the days hes suppose to be with him. WTF?!!? There goes the extra time I thought I'd be spending with my son all bc my sons father rather him be with stangers than with me. I don't know if what hes saying is true but its 7pm so I wont be able to talk to my attorney till tomorrow IF shes not busy :/  I pray that they are not stupid enough to touch him again but I tried to think that after the first time my son told me he was being touched and look at what happened then =( I don't know what to do anymore. Everything I think of/try gets shut down n it always leads back to my son having to go back with those pedifiles. Why? How? After all the evidence that child protective services has?!?! I just don't get it. I pray the Lord keeps my son safe.